In general I write here about North Africa, the Arab world,
and women’s rights issues. I a recent post, I wrote about fatshaming, an issue
of great interest to me. In this post, the second in a possibly 3-part series, I am going to write about being
unemployed.
There are certain experiences in life, such as attempting to
diet/lose weight, pregnancy, or unemployment, where EVERYONE has advice. Let me
repeat: EVERYONE has advice. Everyone seems to have a plan or know someone
whose plan was successful. And every person wants to share it. Unsolicited,
usually. Almost always. This phenomenon is known as “mansplaining,” explaining
without regard to the fact that the explainee knows more than the explainer,
often done by a man to a woman.
Being unemployed has been the third worst experience of my
life.** I’ve tried at various times to rationalize it as “time to get stuff I’ve
always wanted to do done,” or “time to get enough sleep and be rested” before
facing the rejection/feelings of being invisibility that accompany the job
search. The effectiveness of these rationalizations varies in terms of how much
they can assuage my sadness/feelings of inadequacy/worthlessness. The
unsolicited advice in general does not provide any solace.
A gracious, patient person might explain away these advice
givers simply as compassionate individuals with the best intentions. That
explanation is no longer enough for me to keep my rage at bay. I have currently
been unemployed or underemployed since February 2012. Everyone, as I mentioned
above, has advice.
I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR ADVICE GIVERS THAT I HOPE WILL BRING AN
END TO THEIR “compassion” FOREVER AND ALWAYS.
Before I get to the nut meat, I want to qualify the above by
affirming that I do value advice—the kind that is solicited and originates from
an informed, reasoned source with actual knowledge and/or experience of the
subject at hand.
But in terms of topics like weight loss, pregnancy, or
unemployment—these topics that are somehow fair game for everyone to advise—I am
much less receptive to the often inane, irrelevant, uninformed counsel of the
public. It is insulting, annoying, and frustrating.
And now: 3 questions to ask BEFORE offering unsolicited
advice to a job searcher
1. What are your educational/professional credentials?
This question sets the stage by providing the
giver-of-unsolicited-advice a background upon which to base his/her otherwise uninformed,
probably-too-general-and-not-relevant-anyway advice.
But STOP there. Don’t begin advising yet. Take in the answer
you received for question one and then PROCEED TO QUESTION 2 WITHOUT ADVISING.
2. What is your industry/what type of work are you looking
for?
This question, in conjunction with the first question, provides
the giver-of-unsolicited-advice with a more precise idea of the unwilling
advisee’s career ambitions.
But STOP there. Don’t begin advising yet. Continue to mull
the responses and then CONTINUE ON TO QUESTION 3 WITHOUT ADVISING.
3. What have you tried?
This question is intended to provide the giver-of-unsolicited-advice with an idea of what websites, networks, methods, processes, etc. one has already tried or is already familiar with. This question and its response are designed to eliminate redundant suggestions about who is hiring (For example: I heard NATO is hiring. Oh really? Because I just got laid off from NATO), what kinds of websites are available (Have you heard of USAJobs? Have you considered the State Department? No, as a person with a Ph.D. in international relations-ey stuff and the recipient of multiple grants from the US Dept. of State, including one with a federal government service requirement, I'VE SOMEHOW NEVER HEARD OF THESE THINGS OR CONSIDERED THEM).
Ah ha!
In conclusion, dear giver-of-unsolicited-advice, now that
you are equipped with this information, please heed it. I am confident that you
will find that a good portion of your suggestions are redundant, not relevant, and/or
superfluous.
However, because you were not self-aware enough to consider
the above on your own, it is perhaps wishful thinking to believe that a giver-of-unsolicited-advice
would even recognize him/herself as an offender.
** The worst experience of my life was my parents' divorce. The second worst was bed bugs.
TL;DR Take time to ask a few questions before launching
immediately into advice-giving to a job searcher.
